may 2007.
i dreamt last night that you forgave me.
the words were still a bit of a mystery.
there was also a kangaroo and a small child singing "our lips are sealed"
so i'll take that as a sign my dreams aren't to be trusted.
someone wrote to me i was the greatest.
and i'm not.
i learn french. i spend obscene amounts of time by myself.
talking to cats and swimming in the ocean.

"the most remarkable thing about you
standing in the doorway,
is that's it's you.
and you're standing in the doorway."
--john darnielle.mountain goats

may 2007.
spring has been good.
time and no time.
tinged with sacrifice & disappointment,
yet well rounded & charmed.
spent much of the free time with my nose in books,
this one in particular: Lover of Unreason the Assia Wevill biography.
i consider it a peak into my own family history, the ghosts i struggle with from time to time.
sad & poignant.
i didn't mean to peel back old wounds, so much as i remind myself
that i can grow my hair out, redesign my inner peace, change the speedial
while the scars heal over, facts remain.
that said, it's time for tea parties, days at the beach and dancing up all the storms.
p.s. a new record.




january 2007.
i would say that rebuilding one's life is a wretched task.
and i would say how terrible it feels when the people you love most are dead to you.
but then i would reconsider and count my blessings.
...michael, bob and i are excited about playing shows, working on songs for the new record(!!!),
playing basketball on team katie and discussing the merits of vincent gallo's "brown bunny"
...the unicorn who feeds me with hugs and thai food.
...new friends and old friends who find themselves ice skating with me.
...the kitten who purrs when i must cry myself to sleep.
...days i get to spend in classrooms. and the nights i get to share those stories with my family.
...Woody Allen, Ingmar Bergmann, Werner Herzog.
...the dream of horses. oh dear, August. he will be the strongest, fastest, most beautiful horse of all!






december 2006.
take all the time you need.
once you've done that, take some more.
then after that, keep on going until you get to hell.
and then stay there.

march 2006.

katie the pest planned a video shoot in Yosemite.
a Native American theme had been researched and planned.
weeks spent making costumes, gathering props and ideas.
five minutes after they arrived in the park,
the temperature dropped and snow fell all day and all night.
everyone bought snow shoes
Sexy Dracula Project busted out some black and white film
and so was born the 1972 Swiss Ski Team that was to travel to lower Yosemite Falls, the Awhanee Hotel
up and down the Merced River and Bridalveil Falls.

director: cassius emile
photography: pierre brown
assistant photographer: pepe
marymary's personal assistant: cometsnake
and many thanks to the employees of Yosemite valley
for the good company & after hours screening of Brian Wilson's Smile doc.




while the weekend turned out to be colder than originally anticipated,
the video for 'Golden' is a poignant look at the ladies of katie the pest.
sadly, this was to be marymary's last project with katie the pest.
she is currently cryogenically freezing her heart, indefinitely






february 2006.
i took a trip by myself up north to visit Chris Z. in Yosemite.
when i got there, he was wearing the scarf i'd made him.
after exploring and ice skating, his friends and i watched My Best Fiend
that night i fell in love with Werner Herzog.
we fell asleep to Black Orpheus.
before i left he took me over the Merced river via treetrunk to an island where he built cities out of driftwood.
we ate peanut butter and jelly for lunch.
it was the first time i had ventured so far independent of my family and friends
fled the comfort of downey. fled the painful past that rendered me useless.
and found myself right smack in the middle of a pretty awesome existence.